can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
