I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
