Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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