Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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