Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
