I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
