idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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