Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
