just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
