i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
