please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
