I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
