my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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