we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
