PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
