This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Randomize
