Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize