also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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