I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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