So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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