I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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