he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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