Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
