____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
