Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
