And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
