got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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