she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
ok first of all what the fuck
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
