I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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