I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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