strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
3 2 1 whiskey
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
