I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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