It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
