i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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