he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
