i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
