And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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