take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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