Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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