I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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