my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
