speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
