Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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