I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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