I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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