Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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