I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
