the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
