I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize