It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
