***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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