Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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