Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
