I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
