The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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