Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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