everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
