if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
