Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
