Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
