So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
