Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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