I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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