Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
