come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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