Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
