My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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