Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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