Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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