best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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